claudeb | Different (Reply)

All my life I watched how everyone around me could afford to be no matter how oblivious, careless and reckless (on a regular basis, too) and no-one would say a word. While if I had the tiniest brainfart once, everyone would mock me or berate me. Often both.

All my life I watched how everyone around me could afford to just up and do whatever without explaining themselves. While people asked me to justify the most inconsequential decision in ample detail. And when I did (because I don't make decisions lightly), their eyes would glaze over.

Guess they didn't really care, they just wanted to control me.

All my life I watched how everyone around me could afford to spout nonsense and insults left and right and face no consequences. But if I said one thing bad out of ignorance, that made me a villain.

All my life I watched how everyone around me could afford to have strong opinions on the most inconsequential things, while I was expected to be all wishy-washy about important matters that impacted my life in a big way.

How do I know what's important to others? you're going to ask. Well, how do they know what's important to me? Because everyone seems keen to tell me what I'm allowed to have feelings about (which is pretty much nothing), but if I point out stuff that can demonstrably hurt us all, people — wait for it — yell at me.

Nothing I say is ever right. Yet people have the guts to ask why I always stay out of conversations.

All my life. Always the same story. While others can just... be.